5 Things I Won’t Stop Doing for My Kids
“Stop doing these 17 things for your kids right now or you’ll fail to raise independent, successful human beings!” Parents have been inundated with these types of articles lately, and I’ll be the first to admit I have some habits that fall into the “naughty” category. Packing my kids’ lunches? Check. Cleaning up after them? Check. Making sure their homework is done? Check, check, check. I’m looking forward to helping my children become more self-sufficient in the coming year, simply by doing less for them. But there are some things I plan to continue doing for them, for as long as they’ll let me.
1. Telling them a bedtime story.
My kids love books, but the stories they seem to enjoy the most are the ones that come straight from the perpetually exhausted brains of their parents. Over the years, our bedtime stories have ranged from the heartfelt to the hilarious, from fairytales created on the fly to discussions about space and nature. My husband and I have shared recollections of grandparents and great-grandparents and the different world in which they grew up. All of these stories have played a vital role in sparking my kids’ curiosity about the world around them, and I’ve often even learned something new in the process.
2. Noticing and praising when they’ve acted with compassion or kindness.
I’m not talking about ego boosting here; what I mean is simply noticing and recognizing when my kids do the right thing. Last week, when little sister dropped her snack on the ground and the threat of a meltdown was looming, big sister, unprompted, offered up her own granola bar as a replacement. “Hey, that was a really nice thing to do,” I told big sister, and I extended the kudos by mentioning it to their dad later that day. Believe me, there are plenty of days when sharing and being kind seem to be the last thing on my kids’ minds, so I’m all for highlighting these moments when they happen.
3. Offering them different foods, even if they’ve tried it already and swear they hate it.
My kids are fairly picky eaters, which I find frustrating. It’s not as though I’m serving them free-range quinoa with sautéed Brussels sprouts and tofu; in recent history, they’ve given a ruthless thumbs-down to cheese pizza, homemade mini chicken pot pies, and chocolate chip pumpkin muffins (I mean, who turns down anything involving chocolate?!). Still, I’ll continue to encourage my kids to try lots of different foods, including items they’ve previously rejected, because I’m banking on the fact that one day their taste buds will have an “aha!” moment.
4. Giving them a safe space to vent over school, friendships or other issues, no matter how minor.
Yes, kids need to develop a thicker skin and learn how to handle disappointment. But that does not mean I can’t offer a non-judgmental ear when they come to me feeling sad or frustrated because so-and-so at school was mean or didn’t like their hairstyle that day. Being there to listen doesn’t necessarily mean solving the problem for my daughters, but my hope is that it will foster trust and openness that will extend into the pre-teen and teenage years.
5. Letting them see me being silly, even if it means embarrassing them sometimes!
Humor was a key element of my childhood. While we didn’t always say “I love you,” my family often showed affection via goofy behavior and jokes. When I played trumpet in the school band, I was always incredibly nervous. In response, my dad promised that if I ever botched a note during a concert, he’d stand up and blow his nose loudly; that way, everyone in the audience would focus on him instead of my mistake. Naturally, I protested: “No, Dad, that’s so embarrassing!” But I still had to smile, because I knew deep down this was my dad’s way of saying, “Don’t worry, I’ve got your back.”
– Gina Rich