Plan Now for a Trouble-Free Thanksgiving

According to several polls, Thanksgiving is the country’s second-favorite holiday, right behind Christmas. Many of us love the holiday so much that we romanticize it and set the bar very high. Understandably, we want our kids to experience warm holiday traditions that they will pass on to their own families, so we envision a sumptuous meal, a beautiful table and loving conversation.

Unfortunately, reality may fall short of these expectations. Kids may melt down. Your turkey or new side dish recipe may be a disaster. Disappointment may creep into the day. Perfection is not required for a happy, memorable holiday. Here are tips to avoid the most common pitfalls that can thwart a tranquil Thanksgiving.

Use Politeness to Downplay Picky Eating

Thanksgiving often centers on a formal meal that requires a significant amount of work. Many parents worry about offending the chef when a kid rejects a world-famous dish.

Politeness is key. If your children are young, try to introduce Thanksgiving staples before November. Make sure they understand the importance of keeping negative comments about the food to themselves, saying please and thank you, and attempting polite conversation.

Most of the time, guests won’t notice that your picky eater only has a roll and macaroni and cheese on his plate as long as he’s pleasant. Don’t be shy about providing dishes you know your children enjoy.

Keep Kids Busy

Many experts suggest involving kids in Thanksgiving preparation or giving them age-appropriate activities to keep them busy. Let them make placemats, set the table or complete a Thanksgiving Day craft.

Try to find time to take a walk, throw a ball or play a game to blow off steam. Invite others to join you so that you can talk and bond while the kids are playing. It’s unrealistic to expect them to remain seated and in good spirits for extended periods without an outlet.

Lower Expectations

We often inform our kids about what to expect, but we don’t set our own intentions. Daisy Sutherland, author of “21 Ways to Enjoy a Stress-Free Holiday Season,” says it’s very important “to remember that a great deal of the stress we feel at the holidays is of our creation.”

In truth, very few of us have a Thanksgiving like those portrayed in commercials or magazines. By embracing imperfection, we can have a wonderful holiday. Focus on what you value the most and let the rest go. Roll with the unexpected and watch your enjoyment increase and your stress decrease.

Disarm Dysfunction

Your kids may be on their best behavior, but other guests may have forgotten their manners. Do your best to shake off any drama. You have no control over the behavior of others, but you can control your own reaction.

Try to remember that your goal is to connect with family, so respond with kindness and deflection. Your kids are learning how to diffuse tension by watching you, so teach them to look at the big picture rather than overreacting to small annoyances. Losing your cool on a holiday that focuses on gratitude isn’t worth it.

Be Proud of Your Parenting

A survey from the University of Michigan found that nearly two-thirds of mothers felt criticized for their parenting, with the most concerns coming from extended family.

On a day that brings many generations together, you may receive unsolicited parenting advice. Try to remember that the concerned family member is probably trying to gain involvement in your child’s life, however awkwardly. Because you may see this person only on special occasions, be careful that your response doesn’t divide a family already separated by physical distance.

Alissa Marquess, author of “Bounce Back Parenting: A Field Guide for Creating Connection, Not Perfection”, suggests a quick, light response like, “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.” This restraint honors your love for the other person but makes it clear that you don’t intend to debate your choices.

Focus on Family

No matter what the day brings, being with those we love can be a rare blessing. It’s not every day that everyone is together at the same table, so pause and take it in. Sure, parts of the day may bring challenges.

But take a step back from all of the work and juggling to see the day for what it is — an opportunity to spend time with the people we value the most, some of whom may not live close by. Now is the time to share, catch up and enjoy one another, warts and all.

Give Back

Whether you deliver a pie to a neighbor, invite another family to dinner, donate canned goods to a food pantry or volunteer at a local shelter, do something nice for someone else as a family. The act of giving during the holiday season is likely to increase your own family’s genuine joy.

Cap it off with Gratitude

After most of the activities have died down, talk to your child about gratitude, and remind her that the purpose of Thanksgiving is to count one’s blessings with those we love. Ask her to list a few things she is most grateful for and share some of your own to stress the true meaning of Thanksgiving.

Your table may not look like Martha Stewart’s, and your kids may shun the cranberry sauce, but that’s perfectly fine. Perhaps we put so much pressure on Thanksgiving because we want to recreate the nostalgia we’ve carried from childhood.

The good news is that our kids will have similar special memories, and we need only to relax and let it happen. We may not remember every table setting or dish from our childhood Thanksgiving, but we remember the love and the warmth. So will our kids.

Kid-Friendly Conversation Starters at the Table

When the turkey’s taking its time or kids start getting restless, these lighthearted questions can keep everyone smiling:

• What’s the funniest thing that happened to you this year?
• If you could invent a new Thanksgiving food, what would it be?
• What’s something you’re thankful for that money can’t buy?
• If you were a turkey, where would you hide?
• If you could invite any character from a book or movie to Thanksgiving, who would it be?
• What’s your favorite family tradition?
• If you could swap seats with anyone at the table, who would it be and why?
• What’s the silliest face you can make right now?
• What’s your favorite smell of Thanksgiving?
• What’s one small thing today that makes you feel happy?

Grace for the Grown-Ups

A gentle reminder for when the pressure of “the perfect holiday” creeps in:

• Thanksgiving doesn’t have to look like Instagram.
• You are modeling resilience, not perfection.
• Family memories come from connection, not control.
• Kids will remember laughter more than spotless place settings.
• A store-bought pie counts just as much as homemade.
• Excusing yourself for a breather is allowed.
• Choose moments of gratitude over moments of criticism.
• Your child’s happiness isn’t measured by what’s on their plate.
• Your presence matters more than your performance.
• Don’t compare your day to someone else’s.

-Shannon Dean