Recognizing When a Child Needs Extra Support
Parents want their children to be happy, confident and resilient. But just like adults, kids can struggle with emotions, relationships, stress and life changes. Knowing when a child needs extra support isn’t always obvious. While occasional ups and downs are a normal part of growing up, persistent challenges may signal that a child needs mental health support. Understanding the signs can help families take an important step toward supporting their child’s well-being.
Common signs that a child could benefit from therapy include ongoing sadness, excessive worry, frequent anger or irritability, withdrawal from friends and activities, changes in sleep or appetite, difficulty concentrating, or a noticeable decline in school performance.
Some behaviors related to emotional distress are harder to recognize. Children may appear successful and well-adjusted on the surface but inside they are struggling with perfectionism, anxiety or a constant need to please others. This can show up as frequent headaches or stomachaches, difficulty coping with minor setbacks, a strong need for control, or even increased clinginess after a stressful event.
It is appropriate to seek an evaluation if a concern:
- Lasts for several weeks or more
- Occurs in multiple settings (home, school, social situations, sports, etc.)
- Interferes with your child’s ability to learn, play, sleep or maintain relationships
Additionally, if caregivers disagree or can’t be consistent on how to parent kids showing signs of anxiety or other mental health challenges, parents should seek support. “Good cop/bad cop doesn’t work,” says John Spitalnick, PhD, CEO/owner of Anxiety Specialists of Atlanta. “If one parent is over-engaged and the other is stepping back, the child can get confused or symptoms can worsen.”
Be Prepared
Deciding your child needs therapy is the first step. The second step – talking about it – is just as important. This conversation will help your child feel safe and informed without creating unnecessary anxiety.
Be honest and age-appropriate about what therapy is and why he’s going. For a young child, you might say, “We’re going to meet someone whose job is to help kids talk about their feelings and learn new ways to handle big emotions.” For a tween or teenager, you can say, “A therapist is someone you can talk to about things that are stressing you out and making life harder. They’re there to help, not to judge.”
Explain what to expect during the appointment and avoid making it feel like a punishment. Normalize the experience by comparing seeing a therapist to visiting the doctor, dentist or a tutor. Answer any follow-up questions honestly, and if you don’t know, tell her you can ask the therapist together.
Children often feel more comfortable when they have choices, so give an element of control with the appointment. That could be letting her pick what to wear or bringing an item of comfort.
“Often, parents sit in on the first appointment,” says Spitalnick. “In subsequent appointments, the therapist, parent and child can determine what is best moving forward.” He notes that therapists and parents work together to help children; parents should know what their child shares and how things are progressing.
The biggest thing is managing your own emotions. Children take cues from their parents, so if you seem anxious or uncomfortable, they will likely feel the same way. When you present therapy as a positive and supportive experience, your child will most likely view it as such.
Overcoming the Stigma
- Therapy is not only for crises. Many children benefit from therapy to build coping skills, process emotions, navigate transitions or strengthen confidence and resilience.
- Therapy is not a reflection of “bad parenting.” Some families shy away from seeking help because parents feel shame or blame. Every family needs support sometimes.
- Therapy does not define a child. Parents may be concerned their child will be “labeled” after seeking therapy, but therapy is a confidential and supportive process.
- Therapy is not just talking. For kids, therapy often involves playing, art, music and other interactive tools to help them communicate and express their emotions.
- Therapy is too expensive to be a practical solution. “Pricing is going to differ by insurance, Medicaid, and what type of therapy,” explains Amy Marriott, a spokesperson for Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta. Parents can look for in-network providers to save on out-of-pocket costs.
-Tali Benjamin
