Is Your Child Disorganized? Stressed? Procrastinating?

Maybe an Executive Function Coach can help.

Mom: How long do you need to complete your homework?

Son: About 15 minutes.

(One hour later)

Mom: Are you still doing homework?

Son: Yes.

If this scenario repeatedly plays out on evenings in your home, it likely leads to frustration – of chores not being done, of free time lost, of a lack of trust over what is actually happening during the minutes and hours that have elapsed.

As it turns out, accurately estimating the amount of time a task will require is part of executive functioning. And there is a growing recognition that executive function (EF) coaching can help children evaluate and change behaviors, habits and routines to better manage daily life.

“Executive function is the control center of how we deal with planning, emotions, and in general, interact with the world,” according to Lori DeLange, a parent, educator and trained EF coach who works at Healthy Minds Psychology Associates in Tucker. “The related skills affect our school and work responsibilities, help us pick up social cues, and respond to stress.”

Coaching can help children gain awareness of their strengths and weaknesses and improve how they manage time, tasks and relationships. While it can be helpful at any point, moments of transition from elementary to middle, or middle to high school, can be a natural time to focus on new habits.

Table of Contents

What Are Executive Functions?

Executive functions are skills that support success and are generally grouped into basic categories:

Working Memory
Self-Monitoring
Organization
Planning and Prioritizing
Impulse Control
Task Initiation/Completion
Mental Flexibility
Time Management

How Does Executive Function Coaching Work?

While every coach will have their own style, the process usually includes an initial session to get to know each other and to discuss your and your child’s goals. The coach will identify what areas of executive function to focus on first. Sessions can happen in-person or virtually, and parents and caregivers might be invited to participate in portions of sessions, depending on each child’s situation. Kids might be asked to bring school notebooks or laptops to sessions.

Coaches will work with kids to understand the challenges they are facing and then work on solutions. Are they having trouble keeping up with all of their schoolwork? Getting hyper-focused on things they enjoy like reading and neglecting must-do assignments or chores at home? That kind of insight can lead to tools that support progress and accountability – such as logs to monitor how much time it takes to complete activities, and family agreements to establish expectations, rewards and consequences.

Executive function coaching differs from other kinds of support such as mental health therapy or academic tutoring and is typically not covered by insurance. DeLange said coaches do sometimes suggest that parents investigate testing or therapy for needs that are outside of their expertise. And unlike tutoring, it is generally not specific to a subject, but instead overall academic success and related interpersonal skills.

How Do We Know It’s Working?

This kind of help is all about increasing independence. “You get to be more parent and less personal assistant to your child,” said DeLange.

For one Decatur mom of three, a year of executive function support for her middle school daughter has given her new perspective. “EF coaching has helped me support my daughter from a bigger-picture stance.” She reports that one of the most significant benefits for her has been the ability to focus on being a parent as opposed to trying to manage aspects of life that should have transitioned to her daughter. “I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I have to pull my scaffolding out so she can stand on her own feet. Our coach has been incredibly helpful with that.”

Changing habits and internalizing new awareness and routines takes time. According to the Decatur mom who is investing in coaching, “The results can be abstract, but focusing on outlining goals and keeping track of progress has helped us see what a big difference this is making.”

For DeLange, staying focused on the individual’s goals is the key. “Success means you are doing better than last week, not perfect. I have watched young people get organized, find ways to keep themselves on track, and go on to successful high school years, college and careers.

What are some of the indicators that your child might benefit from executive function coaching?

According to DeLange, anyone can probably check one or two of these boxes from time-to-time. Executive function challenges are at play when many of these items are a part of a person’s reality on an ongoing basis, or if one or two of the items are debilitating.

Academic or professional underachievement
Struggles with pushing through undesirable things to reach outcomes
Impulse control – blurting out comments or acting out
Having a hard time remembering more than one thing at a time, such as forgetting items in a series of tasks
Meltdowns over accomplishing things that require subtasks
Procrastinates often
Difficulty focusing on tasks that are not immediately of interest, or hyper-focus – time seems to stand still when doing something enjoyable
A lack of ability to look at a long-range goal and know what to address first
Chronically disorganized spaces
Trouble adjusting when things change or don’t go according to plan

Resources for More Information

The Smart but Scattered Guide to Success: How to Use Your Brain’s Executive Skills to Keep Up, Stay Calm, and Get Organized at Work and at Home by Peg Dawson, Ed.D. and Richard Guare, Ph.D.: A great introduction into EF, including a questionnaire to understand strengths and areas for development.
cliffvalleyinstitute.org: This respected local education resource offers executive function resources including virtual sessions for parents.
Workshops and info sessions: Some coaches, including DeLange, offer workshops on specific topics – those can offer a good way to consider if coaching is right for your child. Find upcoming dates or learn more at thecenterforef.com.
If you are looking for an EF coach, school counselors or child psychologists can sometimes offer recommendations.
understood.org: Resources on learning differences with helpful perspectives.