Deciphering Parenting Metaphors: Animals and Machines

When I grew up parents were referred to as, well, parents. But nowadays it is hard to keep up with the trendy terms used to describe people who raise children. First, there were helicopter parents then lawnmower parents and, now, the newest one — snowplow parents. Since land and air vehicles have been covered, maybe submarine?

Besides machines there are animal types of parenting. Do animals also gather around and coin terms for their parents? If so, would they say, “You are really acting like a human parent right now.” Here is a cheat sheet of the latest lingo to help you figure out your style.

The Animal Parents

Jellyfish Parent

A jellyfish parent is permissive and doesn’t create many rules or expectations. They often give in to avoid confrontation and lack a backbone like a jellyfish.

How do you know you are acting like one?

Your kid has been whining all day to eat their Halloween candy. Even though you know they can’t handle eating sugar, you hand over the bag and let them have at it. When they are running around the house, unable to go to sleep you realize that saying “no” would have been easier than dealing with the sugary aftermath.

Tiger Parent

Tiger parents are strict and demanding. They prioritize academic and extracurricular success.

How do you know you are acting like one?

Your favorite show is Dance Moms, and you think the media has unjustly demonized the moms who are only trying to help their kid be on Broadway.

Elephant Parent

Elephant parents are the opposite of tiger parents (although a koala bear or something cute and cuddly might have been a better choice as the opposite) and focus on nurturing and encouraging instead of tough love and being demanding. These parents are protective of their young and intervene at the first sign of danger. This style is similar to jellyfish parenting in the sense that these parents are permissive and lack boundaries.

How do you know you are acting like one?

Not only did you have a video cam on your baby’s bassinet, but you also situated it directly next to your bed. At the first murmur of a whimper, you sprung out of bed and placed your baby next to you where you wanted the baby to be all along.

The Machines

Helicopter Parent

Helicopter parents hover over their child’s every move and help when needed. They tend to worry a lot about their child.

How do you know you are acting like one?

You hover next to your child as they eat their hotdog that has been cut into so many pieces it resembles grains of sand on a beach instead of food. And then you count the bites they consume to make sure they are receiving the proper amount of nutrition. If they haven’t reached 15 bites, you say you need to eat one more bite before you leave the table.

Lawnmower Parent

Lawnmower parents are more aggressive than helicopter parents. Like a lawnmower that cuts grass or anything in its path, lawnmower parents mow away obstacles, so their child doesn’t have to experience any.

How do you know you are acting like one?

When your kid calls, texts or sends a smoke signal to you that they forgot their lunch and you rush it over to the school faster than a FedEx delivery truck. Ditto for homework, sports equipment or water bottle. The thought of your child lacking in hydration for five minutes sends you into a tailspin.

Snowplow Parent

The snowplow parent is more aggressive than a lawnmower parent since plowing requires more force than mowing. But they are similar in the sense that they remove any obstacles in their child’s way. The snowplow parent does not want their child to have to deal with problems, so the parent intervenes and fixes it for their child.

How do you know you are acting like one?

Since you reside in a cold climate, you deliver your child’s forgotten jacket, mittens, and hat to the school so that they can go outside for recess even though you are fully aware that they wore shorts and short sleeves to school. And you know they didn’t forget but rather chose not to bring any of those items because they have no intention of wearing them, but you bring them anyway.

Bulldozer Parent

See definition for Snowplow Parent. This one is for the warmer climate parents who were not happy with the lawnmower metaphor and wanted a more robust descriptor. They also never shoveled 15 feet of cold wet snow in 30 below temperatures (not including the wind chill) and therefore they don’t comprehend how powerful and savior-like a snowplow is when it clears the road.

How do you know you are acting like one?

Since you reside in warmer weather, before your kid goes to the beach not only do you pack the sunscreen, towel, 10 water bottles and 100 snacks, you also apply the sunscreen to your 15-year-old who is fully capable of applying sunscreen on their own.

So Which One Are You?

I’ll admit it, I’ve probably exhibited symptoms of all these types of parenting styles over the years.  When you have three kids, you are going to resort to whatever works in the moment. Instead of referring to parents as machines or animals maybe we can just call them what they are: superheroes.

-Cheryl Maguire