Moms Need Girlfriend Time

by Mary Beth Bishop

When Roswell mom Mary Reese and her friends hit the road, all the chattering and catching up sometimes outshine the exciting places they visit.
Scattered across different states, Reese and her longtime girlfriends may not talk much during the year. But once they get together again, the conversation never ends. “They came to Atlanta last year and never left my house,” says Reese. The mother of two boys, ages 7 and 11, travels each year with a tightknit group of friends formed at North Carolina’s Salem College. She had places she wanted to take them in the metro area, but they couldn’t get organized to leave Reese’s home. They were too busy just catching up with each other.
Amid the laughter, they’ve steered each other through everything from bad boyfriends in their early years to providing support when more serious issues came along, including miscarriage and illness.
It’s an association born out of a long tradition. Two of the women’s mothers were also friends long ago at Salem and began the tradition of traveling with their own college friends. Reese and her college chums began their annual getaways shortly after graduating in 1989. Their adventures have included a trip to the U.S. Virgin Islands and horseback riding in Colorado.
“It reminds you of who you were before you were a wife and mother,” Reese says. “It takes you back to your essential self. You can go back to who you are inside yourself and not who you are in the world every day.”
Steph O’Connell of Sandy Springs reaches even further back to recharge with some favorite girls. Last month she traveled to Boston and spent time with friends that she’s been close to since the seventh grade  “Self preservation is key,” she says, and friends are a vital connection for the busy mom of four boys.
She also loves to “step out of the mom zone” with local women friends (lots of fellow moms) for a monthly game of cards. “I get to be just Steph for at least one night a month.”
Melanie Bliss, who practices psychology in Decatur, says time with friends is “an important time to relax, to laugh, to commiserate, to share stories, to offer advice and give advice, and to just have fun.”
The mother of two children, ages 4 and 7, takes her own advice to heart, spending regular time with her book club as well as with another close group of friends. Since her husband often travels, she has to plan ahead for childcare, but she says time with friends is worth the effort: “I love not being responsible for anyone but me in that moment.”
“Often, women feel guilty taking time for themselves,” says Athens psychologist J. Kip Matthews. But he says the act of de-stressing with some good girlfriend time can, in fact, make a mother “more attentive and more connected to the child.”
 It also lets children know that friendships are worth the effort.
“I found it important to connect with gal pals when the girls were home as an example to them,” says Debra Baker Steinmann, whose girls are now grown with lots of close girlfriends of their own. “You never are a better mom than after you’ve had a break,” says Steinmann, who lives in the Northlake area.
It wasn’t always easy, but she tried to make time for quilting and other activities with friends when her girls were young. An added bonus for the kids: concentrated time with Dad.
Actress Gwyneth Paltrow is reported to have once said, “The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends.” Girlfriends turned out to be the answer when Le’Dor Phoenix-Milteer of Marietta was fighting her postpartum blues.
Now Phoenix-Milteer makes time for friends every other week. On one birthday, she turned her home into a spa. She went all out with cocktails and music, candles and pedicures, and even fluffy robes.
“You work 40 hours a week and you’re still a wife and now you’re a mother,” says Phoenix-Milteer, whose son is now 2. “There’s traffic. You need to exercise and you want to feel beautiful. When do you look after yourself?”
Whether they have careers or stay home with their kids, she says the group “all agree that together we feel relevant and connected.”

Making it Work
Easier said than done? In a recent study by the American Psychological Association, fewer people said they spent time with their friends and family as a way to relieve stress: 38 percent in 2011 compared to 46 percent the year before. Here’s some advice on finding some time just for you:

  • “Put it on the calendar as a “have to” – just like any other appointment you must keep.
  • Share sitters for easier, more affordable fun.
  • Make it all about you. Matthews notes that young mothers often spend time with friends in conjunction with playdates for their kids. “This is good,” he says, “but it’s also important to have time alone to allow for adult conversation.”
  • Don’t be reluctant to pamper yourself just like you would your child. “Make it a big deal. Buy a new dress,” says Phoenix-Milteer. “It doesn’t have to be expensive.”

Cocktails in the Garden

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Beyond playing bunco or going out for dinner, there are lots of ways to spend time with girlfriends. Just a few ideas:
Movie Night: Sure, you can always join or start a book group – but that can mean homework, and maybe the book is not your cup of tea. For a lower-pressure “girls night out,” consider a regular movie outing, such as on the first Monday of each month. If you skip a month, no big deal; there’s always next month. Grab a glass of wine and an appetizer afterward.
Free Clothes, with Laughs: Judi Holley of Virginia-Highland gets together with longtime girlfriends for periodic clothes swaps. “You bring everything you don’t want and things people have given you,” says the mother of two. Even some things for husbands end up the mix. One at a time, the women present clothes they are ready to part with; the first gal to indicate she really wants something usually winds up with it – if it fits! Bonus: The hostess delivers leftover items (clothes, shoes, handbags, etc.) to places such as local women’s shelters. Holley says the swaps – which provide plenty of laughs – have allowed her to connect to her “former childless self.”
I’ve Always Wanted To…: Have each friend choose something she’s always wanted to do. The whole group could take a course on cooking fine desserts, for example, or perhaps even try a psychic reading.
Girls Night at Turner Field: The Atlanta Braves are celebrating Girls Night Out on Friday, Sept. 14. For $35 each, women get special hats, light blue boas and a pre-game party as well as outfield seats for the 7:30 game against the Washington Nationals. For tickets or info: braves.com/gno or call Stacey Nicely at 404-614-1325.
Cocktails in the Garden: September is the last month to catch Cocktails in the Garden on Thursday nights at the Atlanta Botanical Garden. Explore the garden with a drink in hand and watch a chef whip up something yummy from the Edible Garden. The $18.95 admission price for non-members includes one cocktail; dinner is available for purchase. On display now are 19 sculptures by contemporary artists; these will be theatrically lit during the Thursday night events. For more information, visit atlantabotanicalgarden.org or call 404-876-5859.
Artsy Nights: One of Atlanta’s top art districts is open for business the second Friday of each month for an award-winning Art Stroll through Castleberry Hill. There are restaurants in the mix as well for those who think that abstracts and oils go better with appetizers and merlot. And while you’re there, why not try a free hand scrub at Iwi Fresh Garden Day Spa. Info: castleberryhillartstroll.com
Cupcakes Are for Moms: The Pink Pastry Parlor in Roswell has a party package just for grown-up little girls. The Sweet Sixteen – Again! package also includes a buffet of goodies and a Cupcake Tower Cake, activities and more. $399 for eight guests. For information call 770-650-7465.
Lots of businesses gives moms the chance to plan some grown-up play. Head to a skating rink, a cooking school or painting studio – whatever feeds your passion.

Just for Moms: A One-Night Escape

by Dana diLorenzo

Recently, my husband was nice enough – or rather, brave enough – to support me when I suggested a quick overnight getaway with a few other metro moms. Our destination: the Marriott Residence Inn in downtown Atlanta. Our mission: to relax, have some fun and celebrate the survival of the summer. We wanted some time to reconnect, breathe deeply, indulge in some adult conversation, compare summer stories, even just hear the sound of our first names again. (Still, we all immediately turned our heads whenever we heard a child call out “Mom!”) 
The Marriott Residence Inn proved the right spot for us: nice hotel close to home, amenities that excited us, and affordable. The hotel’s “Girls Night Out” package starts at $129 and includes valet parking, a nice-sized suite (with mini-kitchen), wine-and-cheese welcome tray, ice cream treats (our before-bedtime indulgence), and a deluxe breakfast. Rooms sleep up to four people.
We were eager to explore and start the fun. Hotel staff gave us a quick overview of nearby sights and attractions. Centennial Olympic Park was just across the street. We also found time to visit the beauty bar Sugarcoat in Virginia -Highland for pedicures.
Later in the afternoon, we enjoyed a culinary tour through nearby Inman Park and the Old Fourth Ward (Atlanta-culinary-tours.com). This was not only a fun and enlightening outing, but also served as our late lunch/early dinner.
We also took advantage of the free grocery shopping service offered by the Residence Inn. We arrived back to our suite to find the fridge had been stocked with all the items we had requested for our light dinner snack. (The grocery charges were simply added to our hotel bill.) One of our thrifty, super-smart fellow moms had brought along all the necessary supplies so we could have a mini-pamper session in our suite. We also had agreed on an official “lights out” time that would ensure a good night’s sleep. After all, one of the main goals of this getaway was to arrive home rested and rejuvenated.  
A mere 24 hours after we had checked in, we were indeed restored, relaxed and ready to click our heels, dash home and reunite with our families!

Girl Time! Where To Go…for Starters

Think you could escape the home front for a whole night? Is there somewhere close enough to home you might like to go for some “me” time and maybe a little pampering? Call hotels and resorts in and around Atlanta and ask if they have a “women’s night away” package. Here are just some we’ve found:
Marriott Residence Inn, 134 Peachtree St., Atlanta. “Girls Night Out” package starts at $129 for one room (split that price with a friend or two). 404-522-0950; marriott.com/hotels/hotel-deals.
Bed and Breakfasts are another option for a girlfriend getaway and there are plenty of great choices in the area. Visit bbonline.com.
Barnsley Gardens in Adairsville has a one-night  “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” package that includes a welcome martini, 40-minute manicure and a 60-minute Swedish massage. Packages start at $320 per person. 770-773-7480;  barnsleyresort.com. 
The Embassy Suites at the Atlanta Perimeter Center has a “Girlfriend Getaway Suite Retreat” package for a two-room suite, complimentary breakfast and shuttle service, a $15 credit toward room service and a Dunwoody Girlfriend’s Club Card that provides discounts to local restaurants, spas and boutiques. Starting at $159 per night for up to four. Call 800-774-1500 and request plan code “PK8”; embassysuites3.hilton.com. 
The Omni Hotel at CNN Center has the “Reminisce” Girlfriend Getaway package, where moms will enjoy complimentary champagne waiting for them upon arrival to this deluxe room. Your group can earn two $50 gift cards to Bloomingdale’s with the donation of a gently used cocktail dress for charity. Up to four friends for $237 per night. 404-659-0000; omnihotels.com.
 – Kate Wallace