by Cynthia Curtis

Even though RSVPing has almost become a thing of the past, and many youngsters don’t even know who “Miss Manners” is, proper etiquette and common courtesy are still in vogue when it comes to the birthday party circuit. Before you plan your next big bash, check yourself against the following advice from some professional party planners in the area, as well as from moms who’ve learned “in the trenches,” as they share their thoughts on the do’s and don’ts of celebrating your child’s special day.

Preschool

Guest List
Birthdays can be stressful for everyone, especially toddlers, so professionals recommend inviting family and close friends only (a common formula is inviting one guest per year of the child’s age, plus one). Always be mindful of the child-adult ratio as well, and try to keep the odds in your favor! If you are allowing parents to drop children off, then definitely invite a conservative, manageable number. At this age, moms also recommend that you invite all, or none, of a child’s class so that feelings don’t get hurt.

Day/Time of Party
After determining the guest list, select a day that will maximize attendance and that is good for the party venue, planners say. Moms agree that weekdays are great options at this age and that the party should be planned around nap times, because who wants a group of sleep-deprived, sugar-high toddlers in tow? Earlier is better than later, and the younger the child, the shorter the party. Planners recommend no more than 60 to 90 minutes. Don’t worry if Dad can’t make it – celebrate with family at a different, more convenient time.

Cake/Food
Always be conscientious of food allergies, and keep food simple but fun. Choking hazards are something else to be aware of, moms caution. The planners report that the trend in cakes is individual cupcakes – they’re less messy and no one can argue over icing!

Games
Attention spans are notoriously short in this age group, so planners discourage formal games, opting instead for quick, interactive activities such as simple crafts, storytelling, face painting/temporary tattoos, petting zoos, musical chairs, etc. Consider setting up a crafts table that kids (and parents) can visit when the mood strikes; it will keep the party moving and encourage even shy children to participate.

Opening Presents
Since young guests want to be an active part of the present opening festivities, many parents are opting to open presents after the party, or doing it in phases, a couple presents at a time. Regardless of whether the gifts are opened at the party or not, thank you notes are a must. Parents can begin teaching this timeless courtesy by allowing toddlers to color or scribble on the finished notes.

Favors/Goody Bags
Planners and parents agree that, just like the food, favors should be kept simple but fun, and think quality, not quantity. Things that make noise are always a hit, and it’s easy to impress the pint-sized tot with something over-sized like a big, colorful lollipop or candied apple. Remember to put safety first; avoid toys with small parts, choking hazards and potential food allergies.

Early Elementary

Guest List
Inviting the whole class is probably not feasible, or even desirable, for this age group. Planners suggest that you send a birthday treat to school so everyone can participate in your child’s special day, but only invite your child’s closer circle of friends to the party. Take special care to address invitations thoughtfully – be very clear if parents or siblings are welcome. If done properly, this eliminates confusion and potentially awkward moments/hurt feelings.

Day/Time of Party
Weekends work best, unless school is out, at which time you can take advantage of reduced weekday rates at venues such as indoor inflatable places. Tena Carraher, mother of three from Peachtree City, says an “almost sleepover” is perfect for this age range; guests arrive around dinner and stay late, but not all night. This helps ease youngsters into being away from home all night, and it is much easier on the host household, too!

Cake/Food
Standard kid food is the safest bet, but now you can branch out by offering more mature sauces for dunking, exotic fruits and smaller snack foods such as popcorn. Kids at this age love to be hands-on and are more capable in the kitchen, so let them get creative at bars of make-your-own bagel pizzas, ice cream sundaes, hot dogs, etc.

Games
Games should be more structured and supervised for this group. Let the birthday child in on the planning and organizing. Have several fun options ready, in case one flops or goes quicker than planned. Carraher discourages letting anyone “lose”; instead assign the child who is “out” a task such as judging the next round before re-entering the game. Hiring a professional entertainer like a magician or clown is a better investment at this age, as guests are more likely to appreciate (and not be afraid of) different types of presentations.

Opening Presents
Children who are used to sitting in school may make gift opening smoother now, but give it structure by making it a fun game or activity. Be sure that the birthday child is the center of attention, with a special hat, chair, etc., and let guests participate as helpers. Be sure to go over basic etiquette rules with the birthday child beforehand so that no one gets their feelings hurt if he or she doesn’t like a gift, already has one, doesn’t understand what it is, etc.

Favors/Goody Bags
Great favors for this age range include crafts or items they make themselves at the party. If tied to the party’s theme, it will be a lasting reminder of the fun they had.

Late Elementary

Guest List
As children get older, the guest of honor should be involved in determining the guest list. A small group of close friends is best, and at this age, same-sex parties are still pretty much the norm. Also at this age, most guests are dropped off for the party and sleepovers are very popular. Invitations should be mailed at least two to three weeks in advance, and if guests don’t RSVP, planners say it is appropriate to call a week before the party to check their status.

Day/Time of Party
School schedules obviously dictate the day and time of these affairs, as well venue schedules. Children crave a little more freedom, so consider a movie and a meal or other fun outing where you can still supervise from a short distance.

Cake/Food
Since their palates are also more mature, planners warn that kids at this age have more defined likes and dislikes when it comes to food, so the safest bet is to go with the classics like pizza and burgers. If you want to serve more adventurous fare, communicate that clearly with both guests and their parents beforehand.

Games
Planners recommend getting the party going with an icebreaker or two, even if guests already know each other (they always enjoy finding out new fun facts about their friends). At this age, it’s also fun to play games in groups or on teams, and for a fun twist take a traditional board game and come up with your own themed questions or activities to make it more personal and memorable.

Opening Presents
Guests should be expected to be more respectful during gift opening as they are genuinely interested in the creative and unique gifts they’ve selected for the guest of honor. Make guests part of the fun by giving them jobs such as handing out the presents, cleaning up the clutter, and recording the giver and gift in a notebook. Then pass the notebook around so guests can write a special birthday message to the honoree for a lasting memento. By this time, children should also know how to properly and thoughtfully write their own thank you notes in a timely manner.

Favors/Goody Bags
When it comes to favors, customization and personalization are the name of the game for this group, planners say. Because they are old enough to appreciate thoughtful and unique gifts, select a couple of higher quality items that match the party’s theme and then add their names, photos and other personal touches to make them extra special. Think outside the box and make the package part of the gift, using fun items such as makeup bags, mini backpacks or sport bottles.

Ideas and etiquette rules provided by: Regina Robinson, Do Me A Favor! party planning; www.amazingmoms.com; and Shelia Mants, Added Pizzazz party planning.

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