My son started occupational therapy when he was 4 years old for Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), just a floor above where we had done Parent-Child Interactive Therapy. When the elevator door opened, the first thing I saw was the Autism sign. I thought we had the wrong floor. I learned to do things differently after that first day of receiving my son’s diagnosis.

Table of Contents

1

Labels don’t matter to you, but they matter to me. I need to have a name for what my son has so that I can research it, dissect it and take some control over it. My husband would rather spend his time “fixing” it than naming it. If this describes you and your partner, identify how you each feel. It’s important to understand, even if you disagree.

2

Use the diagnosis as a stepping stone to the next level (therapy, medication if needed, programs, support groups and so on). Now that you have a name to the behavior, use it to your advantage. It’s not so much about telling people my son has this or my son has that, but it is about seeking professional help so that you can set your child up for success with whatever diagnosis he has been given.

3

Be careful if you decide, and how you decide and when you decide to tell your child about her diagnosis. I was standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes when I told my son he had Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD); he was playing at the kitchen table. We had been searching for a name for what he had for years and after several misdiagnoses we were confident that this was what he had. Our conversation lasted for just a few minutes. I kept it short and simple. He was 5 years old by this time and well into kindergarten. We’d been taking him to therapists and doctors for several years on and off so I knew he was aware there was something about him that was slightly different than his siblings. He asked a few questions, I answered them and that was that. Think about how you want to handle telling your child and go from there.

4

Set boundaries. This one will be hard for you to put into place with loved ones and friends. Boundaries are meant to protect those we love and to keep those that have the power to hurt at a distance. For instance, you might set a boundary when it comes to playdates. For a long time, I would not allow my son to play at anyone else’s house if I wasn’t there with him. He could invite friends over to our house but until I felt comfortable enough that a friend’s parents could confidently watch my son and not get frustrated when he wouldn’t listen or when he was super loud, I just didn’t allow it. That was an unspoken boundary for myself. I didn’t need to tell anyone else that – I only needed to set that boundary for a temporary time in our lives when the diagnosis was new and I wasn’t quite sure how it was all going to play out.

5

Set your child up for success in every situation and environment as much as possible. Each diagnosis comes with specific ways on how to manage it. Before my son’s diagnosis of ADHD, I would be quick to discipline him for not listening when I rattled off a list of things for him to do. After his diagnosis, I am more intentional about giving him one task at a time and then telling him to come right back to me so that I can give him his next task. This setup works a million times better. When you know better, you do better. I learned this technique from doing my own research on this disorder.

6

Be your child’s biggest cheerleader. Sure, there are going to be days (probably lots of days) when all you want to do is curl up in a ball under the covers. But think about what it’s like for your child. Think about how difficult things must be for him. Put yourself in his shoes when kids don’t want to play with him because they think he’s weird. If you’re not the one standing up for him, who is? Your child has to know that no matter what, you will support him, love him and help him.

7

Go to therapy or find a support group. I encourage you to get therapy for yourself. Getting a diagnosis for your child can feel like a step in the right direction and it is, but it also comes with some sadness. We must let go of the dreams we may have had for our child and envision new dreams, setting new goals and being more realistic about what our child can and can’t do. I went to therapy shortly after we received my son’s diagnosis and something my therapist said really helped me. She told me it was OK to grieve, to allow myself to be sad and to cry if I needed to. She told me everything I was feeling was completely normal in the midst of so many abnormal things. Sometimes we just need permission to come undone, even if it’s only for an hour in your therapist’s office. A support group allows you to talk about whatever you’re facing, a new diagnosis or something completely unrelated to that. You can ask questions, get support and meet other parents going through a similar situation

– Megan Ruffing

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