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Scaling
Back The Holidays
Tell the Children if Things Will be
Different Talk about what’s happening in a way kids can understand. For example, “limited funds” may not be clear, so let them know in terms of real numbers what’s going on. Children of 8 or ten have been using money long enough to have a good sense of its value. If you prepare them ahead of time, and talk about what’s going to happen, there still may be disappointment, but it won’t be so great. Offering choices is another useful tactic that lends children a feeling of control. Use toy catalogs and spell out the budget. One child may want one expensive gift while another might prefer several more modest presents. If a child wants one specific, big-ticket present or nothing at all, acknowledge that as a valid choice, then add that you know the child is angry and disappointed, but you will be choosing something affordable and nice for the holidays. Emphasize Giving While providing children the power of choice does foster the development of life-skills, catalog shopping may strike some as not much different from handing them money and letting them spend it. Will these children grow up, like the rather bitter cartoon in a magazine, to simply exchange checks with each other at Christmas? It’s important that children concentrate on more than what they want to get. Remind them (and yourself) that the holiday spirit isn’t about money, it’s about love. Help your children with their lists of what they are going to give to a teacher, a baby-sitter, a grandparent, or a kind neighbor. Mid-December is too late if some presents are to be made.
Talk about what’s a better offering of love
for an animal rights activist, for example –
an expensive fur cape or a hand-knit scarf
(with four mistakes) that matches her wool
coat? Is someone a collector? Doing some
detective work to find the “perfect” present
is a real gift of love. The prospect of a down-scaled holiday may be dismaying to your family, but it can turn into a time to pull together. When children are drawn into family discussions and solutions to some of life’s problems, they know their opinions are respected. Let them see they are capable, they can contribute, and they can influence what happens in life around them.
Perhaps that is the best gift of all. |
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For
some families the holidays are a financial
strain – this year perhaps more than usual.
Even if money isn’t a problem, we often fall
into the trap of trying to make children’s
lives perfect with things, a pursuit doomed
to failure. Many parents would like to
modify the gifting frenzy; understanding why
we tumble into this trap may help us find a
better balance.